hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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