I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
