your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
