mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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