hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
