Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
