I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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