Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He has the fingertips of a God
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