piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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