What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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