Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
soo... how was my night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize