My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So. Much. Porn.
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