the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
