i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
