so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
