Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
