how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize