Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize