It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
