a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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