Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
