Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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