You smell like stripper and shame
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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