i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
