Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
