Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
