that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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