I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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