I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think my moral compass just broke
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
