i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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