Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.