Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles