I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.