yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
