Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i think my cat just said my name.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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