sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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