K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
