spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
