we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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