new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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