There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
