i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
