Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
