I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
