dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
