I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
