I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
