Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
