i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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