He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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