Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's always time for handjobs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
