my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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