oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
