Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize