Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
