so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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