And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We have started to decorate penises.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
