good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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