after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Someone signed my nipple.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
