I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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