I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
