my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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