What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
