Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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