You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
