I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
